Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if only i could text you this smell
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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