Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
