I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
