3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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