i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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