Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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