I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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