i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize