At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
