i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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