my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
