As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
