I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Even my vagina gasped.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
