Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My bed smells like the plague
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
