the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
