wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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