that's an acceptable place to lick
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize