Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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