I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
