do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
