They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize