Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
