you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
