This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
