Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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