Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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