Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
