For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
