The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
