Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So vagazzling was a success
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
