so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
