i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm passing your future prison.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
