Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
honey bunches of taint.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
