considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
