1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
