We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
