I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
