everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize