so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
