I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
how does that bad decision feel?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
