Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My penis needs a shock collar
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
