While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize