Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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