its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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