why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
