I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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