i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The best revenge is premature balding
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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