My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
