You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You need Xanax blowdarts
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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