He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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