I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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