Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can you bring me the toilet please
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
