i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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