Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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