It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
