im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize