If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
