i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
