Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
