You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
