i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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