Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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