My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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