Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
