I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
