He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
