I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
