Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize