it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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