she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
