I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
