i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
