That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she peed on how many people?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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