you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize