Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize