He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
