Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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