If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
