My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
