Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
