hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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