I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
