Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize