Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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