Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Couch. On fire.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
