Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
