We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
