We named our party play list daddy issues
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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