Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
