I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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