This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
