Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
