Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
