walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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