u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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