so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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