All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize