She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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