I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You have to summon your inner elephant
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
