What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
