your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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