Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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